Skill Building "I" Statements
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Conflict Resolution Page 06

Skill Building "I" Statements

Whenever you are the one having the problem, consider making an "I" statement.

"I" statements are a way to calmly, respectfully, and assertively express your feelings and state what you’d like to have done about a situation.

Here are the four parts of an "I" statement:

I feel (add words to describe your feelings), when you (tell what the person did), because (describe how the person’s behavior affected you), I would like it if (state how you would like things to change).

FOR EXAMPLE

You sign a book out of the library, and your friend borrows it.

Even though she loses it, the librarian says it’s your responsibility to pay for it.

A respectful and assertive way to state your point of view is to say:

I feel frustrated and angry, when you lose things I lend you because I’m the one expected to replace it.

I would like it if you took responsibility for finding the book or paying the librarian for a new one.

Alright, remember.

If they feel strange, you don't have to use these exact words, use your own instead.

The format of an “I” message can really help clarify your thinking.

It can help you figure out what you're feeling and what you need in order to solve the problem.

Being respectful also makes it easier for the other person to respond in a way that takes YOUR needs into account.

It can actually help you use conflict in a way that can strengthen relationships.

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